I sit at work, in the real world, as I write an article about something that is otherworldly. The Men’s Leadership Alliance’s 2008 Winter Spirit Camp was a time of renewal, reflection, and growth for me and the men with whom I shared the experience of being alive in a gathering of other men in the beautiful hills above Jamestown.

Because I can live only my experience, I cannot speak for the other men at the gathering, so I will not even attempt to do so. Rather, I will speak of my experience of “Carpet Work” done in the midst of a group of empathetic and caring men.

I hear classical music now, as I write, but then, standing on the carpet, surrounded by men who held me in their loving arms, I turned down the gift that was offered me; freedom from superficial and vengeful self.

The experience of being completely honest with the lowest part of myself amongst others and sharing in the acknowledgment of that aspect of myself was powerful to be sure. It was so powerful that it brought some to tears. I unfortunately was not ready to receive the blessing from the group.

The wonderful thing was not the potential for growth that was offered to me, nor was it the loving hands that rested on me. No, the magical part about the entire experience was that though I was unwilling to accept the gift from this loving group, that even though I was being, embodying something that was not to the liking of even myself; despite this, I was still loved: That is the amazing part of the experience.